They Found Hell, 2015 - ★★

They Found Hell, 2015 - ★★
REVIEWED

More low grade nonsense courtesy of syfy's crack team of specialist cheese crafters. A group of pesky students working on a teleportation device get portaled into hell itself. Luckily one of the students managed to stay topside, and with the aid of his tinman looking science teacher, he has a limited timeframe to get his friends back to our dimension before the portal closes.

Average syfy gubbins, thats at least watchable thanks to its 80's feeling atmosphere. Imagine Full Moon Pictures had made MY SCIENCE PROJECT with syfy's state of the ass cgi, then thrown in random mentions of Dante's Inferno and the river of styx.


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Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Green Inferno, 2013 - ★★★½

The Green Inferno, 2013 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

..::Selection for Hoop-tober 2.o Horror Fest::..
Divisive, trashy and darkly hilarious, The Green Inferno is Eli Roth's blood soaked throwback to Cannibal Holocaust/Cannibal Ferox style mondo exploitation cinema.

Regardless of it pulling predictable trick after trick, most of its acting was ropey and the ending blew more chunks than Sir Chunkblowington the 3rd after a dodgy curry - I had an absolute ball with this. How can you not adore seeing a legitimate cannibal movie in our analy politically correct times. Roth wrongly or rightfully gets lots of abuse for his crude often cheap trick school of filmmaking, but I'm actually glad hes insane enough to do this shit. Because its been far too long a directors so gleefully embraced trash cinema the way this does.

I was on the 2½ fence but for a scene that totally won me over featuring a little nothing moment when one of the little tribe girls runs out of a scavenging crowd with a guys amputated leg, while contently smiling. For some reason it made me chuckle so much, same with the OTT plane crash aftermath, Jonahs death and stoopid hash back-off.


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Yakuza Apocalypse, 2015 - ★★½

Yakuza Apocalypse, 2015 - ★★½
REVIEWED

Unquestionably the biggest WTF movie of 2015, its a low rent ode to all things Japanorama as well as being some kinda lost in translation, skewed statement on the break down of Japanese society.

Even by Takashi Miikes haphazard nature this ones a very odd unrealized mess. Hes usually far better, but has been worse (ouch, most of those shat on dv films based on Hisao Maki stories). This features vampire yakuzas, a gappa goblin, a djangoesq vampire killing priest and a frog lord with a bitching death stare and ability to turn full on godzilla. Its an interesting lo-fi spectacle that makes zero effort at telling a conventional story. Hard one to rate, its amusing, weird, abstract and inanely bad in equal measures and bound to polarize opinion.


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The Final Girls, 2015 - ★★★½

The Final Girls, 2015 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

..::Selection for Hoop-tober 2.o Horror Fest::..

"Well this should be fun eh? being trapped in a movie theatre with a bunch of nerds" - Gertie (Alia Shawkat)

On the eve of a local horror stars death, during a retrospective screening of her biggest hits (well, outside of her fatal crash) Camp Blood 1 & 2, her teenage daughter and friends get portalled into the cheesy fright flicks themselves.

Great fun reminded me of Eerie Indiana, Matinee era Joe Dante. FINAL GIRLS works in exactly the same way the SCREAM franchise did, by riffing on the teen camp slasher subgenres cliches (black dude dies 1st, those having sex not much later, blah blah), but Todd Strauss-Schulson film is far lighter and less negative on the 80's horrors it pokes fun at. American Horror Stories Taissa Fariga is perfect as the daughter of the famed Camp Blood actress. And Workaholics Adam DeVine bags most the laughs as the dated 80's movie jock with one thing on his mind. Go in expecting a comedy and you'll have an hoot, its far too goreless and silly to be taken as an horror.


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Fire City: End of Days, 2015 - ★½

Fire City: End of Days, 2015 - ★½
REVIEWED

Disjointed, amateurish horror from sfx man turned director Tom Woodruff Jr. Fire City: End of Days follows Vine a demon who lives secretly with other demons alongside the human residents of an apartment block. After Vine saves a teenaged girl from the clutches of an abusive deviant, hes forced to question his dark motives as he starts to befriend the human and distance himself from his kin.

A poor feature thats embarrassing cobbled together to showcase the filmmakers competent fx work. The script was extremely weak (like elementary school Halloween essay weak) and acting while forgivable for being by amateurs lacked any charisma. My real issue was it felt like nobody involved was giving that much of a damn what was happening. Like the producers had asked total strangers if they wanted to be in a movie, then given a bit of make-up and told where to stand.

Shame so many teeth cutting movies take theirselves far too seriously, most directors would have had a blast with fx like these at their disposal, maybe a riff on Nightbreed, ShiteBreed if you will.


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Predator: Dark Ages, 2015 - ★★★

Predator: Dark Ages, 2015 - ★★★
REVIEWED

Enjoyable 25 minute fan offering from the UK is a silly none cannon battle between a sworld welding Predator vs a small band of Templar Crusaders. Surprisingly competent, its fun concept worked well for its duration, and it featured solid costumes and acting in a very Sunday afternoon historical adventure British TV show styled way.


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Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Gift, 2015 - ★★★

The Gift, 2015 - ★★★
REVIEWED

While The Gifts a respectable first time writing directing outing by Australian actor Joel Edgerton, that features solid acting around the board especially Rebecca Hall as the bored housewife and Jason Bateman as the less than heroic husband. Sadly considering its general positive word of mouth, and nice suspense early on I felt a little let down by the time its credits rolled, I guess due to the hype I was expecting a much tighter resolve instead of its gimmicky climax that felt far too predictable, and pretty damn trashy like a cheap 90's cable or STV thriller.


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Manson Family Vacation, 2015 - ★★

Manson Family Vacation, 2015 - ★★
REVIEWED

Ever been so bored out of your fucking mind you've wondered what a mumblecore variant on The Boys From Brazil would be like?. Its an awkward mixture of personal identity finding dramedy and deceptive Manson family cult craziness. A pair of distant Californian foster brothers bond when one of them becomes fascinated with the grisly Tate-LaBianca murders which became one of the death nails for 60's hippie counter cultures coffin.

Outside of clearly being a cheap and tasteless license to add some much needed drama and public interest to its painfully shallow and mediocre nothing story and kickstater campaign, Manson Family Vacation seriously made me question wtf was J. Davis and the Duplass Bros intention of the Manson subplot was? I do know it wasn't my cup of tea.


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Originally taken from Letterboxd