All Cheerleaders Die, 2013 - ★½

All Cheerleaders Die, 2013 - ★½


“My crazy wicca bullshit, it works” - Leena Miller (Sianoa Smit-McPhee)

"Mom, Mckee gone done a Craven on the carpet."... Damned un-pretty horror remake that somehow manages to turn the sexily cool 'brought back from the dead hot cheerleaders, hellbent on revenging the jocks who killed them' concept, into something painfully un-sexy & uncool.

Lucky McKee & Chris Sivertson remake their own 2001 Shit-On-Video horror for the 'Twilight' unicorns & niceness generation, and ended up with a Poo-On-Demand stinker. McKee whips out his magic wand and tries to turn the politically incorrect <sparkles and glitter> correct. The trouble is 'All Cheerleaders Die' gets so caught up in being clever showcasing how horror objectifies women. That it forgets itself and becomes a poorer movie than the ones it tries to deride. Subverting the horror genre formulas can be amusing, but sadly for every 'Student Bodies' you get dozens of 'Scream' clones. I hated All Cheerleaders Die originally and I hate this version. If I'd wanted ugly 90's sub-SyFy visual FX and politically correctness in my barely legal teeny filled gratuitous violence masquerading as horror - I'd have watched Charmed. Ohh and that caption at the end, please tell me that shits a joke?

[Personal Reasons For Remembering]

I admit I got a chuckle out of that impromptu cat death and the opening cheerleader accident (you could be Mother Teresa, but if you've got a fail like that on your phone its going viral).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

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