May I Kill U?, 2013 - ½

May I Kill U?, 2013 - ½
REVIEWED

Embarrassingly bad, low grade crime satire that wouldn't even stand up to youtube quality skits. Kevin Bishop (of shit UK comedy trash 'Star Stories') plays copper Baz, he decides to go vigilante and make a lone stand against urban criminal.

Single worst film experience I've had this year, its sub cable TV standard. Actually it did remind me like the sort of thing Channel 4 airs in their Comedy Lab slots (stand alone comedy drama pilots, made at cost in the hope of generating interest in full series).

[PRFR]

Nothing, the quicker I forget the whole sorry mess the better. And Francis Barber has really gone to shit.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
Director: Jason Eisener
Writer: John Davies , Jason Eisener
Cast: Rutger Hauer, Gregory Smith, Robb Wells
A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.

Hobo with a Shotgun started life as an entry in a Grindhouse trailer competition, no doubt with the help of getting over a million views director/writer Jason Eisener has managed to turn the idea's from that winning short trailer into a feature staring Rutger Hauer as the bum with a gun. Story follows the hobo as he train hops into a rundown crime ridden town, he ends up crossing the paths of a local family of violent low life crooks. After being let down by the police he takes the situation into his own hands, buys a shotgun and begins to take out any villain he see's one shell at a time.

Aimed squarely at fans of trashy movies, its a real throwback to 80's revenge flicks like Vigilante and The Exterminator. Sadly it's not as successful as last years Machete. Its main flaw is how cartoon'ish the crime family are, they are more comedic than threatening (its a shame as both the hobo and Amy the hooker's characters are done well). Some good cheesy moments though like a manhole cover/chain beheading and a pedo Santa's head blowing up. Down to fantastic monolog the hobo says about how hopeless a future the babies in a new born baby wing are likely to have if they stay in this city. Fans of b-movies should have enough to keep them entertained, but if your more into big budget CGI filled mainstream films , it's not going to be for you.

(6½ out of 10)

The Green Hornet (2011)

The Green Hornet (2011)
Director: Michel Gondry
Writers: Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg
Cast: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz
Following the death of his father, Britt Reid, heir to his father's large company, teams up with his late dad's assistant Kato to become a masked crime fighting team.

Forgettable retelling of The Green Hornet, the story revolves around Britt Reid whose left his fathers newspaper and media empire when his father dies after a bee sting. Not wanting to give up his playboy styled excessive ways, Britt doesn't take direct control over his late fathers business, instead he ends up forming a crime fighting team with his fathers butler Kato. After giving himself the moniker The Green Hornet and tackling a few minor crimes, he learns that his late father was mixed up with a corrupt politician who protects the cites biggest crime boss.

Such a let down this wasting the fantastic talents of its director Michel Gondry. The key problem is how much they've dumbed down the character of Reid/Green Hornet and the script in general (in my eyes Seth Rogen was badly cast as the central hero and Cameron Diaz is cringe worthy as an air head secretary) the film as good sets and glossy production values but it feels wasted on such a lame deja-vu feeling plot. Jay Chou does an admirable job as Kato, he does a few good little action set pieces along the way but overall a film I wish I had avoided.

(5 out of 10)

Lynch Mob (2009)

Lynch Mob (2009)
Director: Byron Erwin
Writer: Rachel Stamper, Scott Stamper
Cast: Tony Darrow, John J. Cornetta, Michael H. Cole
The rural town of Lynchburg, Georgia holds a dark secret. A century old curse has condemned the citizens to a diet of human flesh. Unable to leave the city limits the town folks must lure unsuspecting travelers to their quaint town where they soon become the menu item of choice. Problems arise when the Federal Government releases a street savvy criminal into their community under the witness relocation program.

Wild blend of various genres including gangster, comedy and horror. A mobs main torture expert Weasel gets caught kidnapping a girl from a playground, to save going to prison he turns snitch. As part of the witness protection project the cops send him to a secluded town, only the towns cursed and all its residents (well 'all' being Lynchburgs population is just 9) are undead cannibals. Due to him having a police tag the residents don't kill Weasel, instead he agrees to bring down members of the mob hes crossed, so the town can dine on Italian.

Not overly straying far from the 2000 Maniac mould, it does offer enough surprises to make it worth cult movie fans time to seek out. It's a real credit to the writers that they've managed to keep it fresh and get the various styles flowing well together, they've created a fantastic set of characters (all of which feature solid acting). Its director Byron Erwin 1st first feature, I'm so looking forward to seeing what he turns his talents towards next. Highly humorous movie, a real throwback to 60's/70's Herschell Gordon Lewis styled gory b-movie shockers.

(6½ out of 10)

Machete (2010)

Machete (2010)
Directors: Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis
Writers: Robert Rodriguez, Álvaro Rodríguez
Cast: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan & introducing Don Johnson
After being betrayed by the organization who hired him, an ex-Federale launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss.

Fuck yeah thanks for Blades, Bewbs & Buckets'o'Blood as Rodriguez shameless mexploitation throwback to early 80's action b-movies rides into town on a drop handle Harley. Famously it started life as the most popular mock trailer between his and Tarantinos Grindhouse double bill. Plots about lone Mexican drifter Machete (Trejo) and his attempt to bring down Texas's corrupt leadership and the redneck vigilante border patrol they've set up.The cast fit so well Trejo was born to play the central lead Machete, aiding him are Alba as undercover agent Sartana and Michelle Rodriguez as Luz a underground Mexican freedom fighter. Then theres the brutes Steven Seagal, Don Johnson & legendary FX artist Tom Savini working with Jeff Fahey to get crooked politician De Niro into power. Also added in the mix are Cheech Marin as Machetes stoner Priest brother and Lindsay Lohan (a role echoing her personal life & managing to fit a nod towards exploitation gem MS.45) as a wayward coke fueled socialite turned killer nun.

Thankfully the risk of turning that Grindhouse trailer into a main feature after the luke warm reception & box office they received paid off, as this is far more authentic and a much more rewarding view than both Death Proof & Planet Terror. It starts with its foot firmly down on the accelerator and never takes it off, ticking everything 80's trash cinema ever threw our way while speeding by then delivering us new delights. I swear during the scene Machete intestine bungee jumps from an hospital ward, I had a smile on my face like I was 8 years old again opening gifts on Christmas day. Essential viewing for anyone like myself who grew up seeing Robert Gintys flamethrower/meat grinder killing spree in the classic The Exterminator.

(9 out of 10)

Giallo (2009)

Giallo (2009)
Director: Dario Argento
Writer: Jim Agnew, Dario Argento
Cast: Adrien Brody, Elsa Pataky, Emmanuelle Seigner, Robert Miano
In Italy, a woman fears her sister may have been kidnapped. Inspector Enzo Avolfi fears it's worse. They team up to rescue her from a sadistic killer known only as Yellow.

When a woman suspects her model sister has been abducted, she seeks help in loner Inspector Enzo Avolfi. Turns out hes working on a case involving a crazed jaundice taxi driver who abducts attractive women and then slowly kills them. One of the true masters of Italian giallo cinema returns to the genre which any horror fan who knew the 80's still remembers him so fondly for. Trouble is the story and characters are painfully derivative, with the always reliable Adrien Brody being sadly wasted in a role/roles that echoes the TV series Dexter. Another of the flaws is Argento seems to have embraced modern horror movies like 'Hostle' & 'Saw' a little too much with way too much of the film set in the grimly lit dirty factory of the killer. Only segment of the film I did enjoy was the flash backs to Enzo/Brodys childhood. Seems 'Mother of Tears' split horror fans somewhat, I personally liked that as I did with both his Masters of Horror entries 'Pelts' & 'Jenifer' unfortunately as much of a fan of his I am Giallo was a let down.

(6½ out of 10)

Surveillance (2008)

Surveillance (2008)
Director: Jennifer Chambers Lynch
Writers: Kent Harper, Jennifer Chambers Lynch
Cast: Julia Ormond, Bill Pullman, Pell James
An FBI agent tracks a serial killer with the help of three of his would-be victims - all of whom have wildly different stories to tell.

(Not Yet Rated)

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