Cool Air, 2006 - ★½

Cool Air, 2006 - ★½
REVIEWED

"I wasn't aware that Night of the Living Dead was a documentary."

Dr. Shockner

Low grade version of H.P. Lovecraft's 'Necronomicon Book of Dead'. A struggling writer suffers an heart attack while cooped away writing his masterpiece. He's helped by his secretive neighbor Dr. Shockner who practices experimental medicine. Thought cured its not long before the writer notices hes not the man he once was.

Though its pretty competent for an Albert Pyun film, its extremely boring, overly talky and severely lacking in action of any kind. It may appeal to undemanding Lovecraft fans who don't mind one of their heroes most popular stories narrated by 3rd rate actors. Personally it did absolutely nothing for me I was praying for the FADE TO BLACK.

[PRFR]
Extremely unmemorable, I guess the exception was seeing the cringe worthy porno quality actress playing an autistic character.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Facility, 2012 - ★

The Facility, 2012 - ★
REVIEWED

"Do you wanna know what the side fx of brain drugs are? ... anything the human mind can think on and act on... thats the side fx"

Morty (Steve Evets)

Warning: Side-FX may involve anxiety, head swelling and murder.

Bland, low grade British medical horror following a group of drug trial volunteers testing a new drug named Symtrex Pro9.

The Facility originally titled Guinea Pigs is as humorless as its forgettable. The ending was rushed, the plot felt derivative and the acting was sub afternoon soap opera quality.

[PRFR]
I wont remember anything, I guess at a push I kinda liked the Mancunian drug trail journey man character Morty, for the simple fact there probably are people who do these trials for a living.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Chosen Survivors, 1974 - ★★½

Chosen Survivors, 1974 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"It consumes its own weight in blood every day."

Alana Fitzgerald (Diana Muldaur)

Slightly off kilter post apocalyptic fantasy, following a group of chosen individuals who are lucky enough to land places in a state of the art futuristic underground base, ahead of an imminent nuclear attack on the USA. Only the group are plagued by vampire bats, and begin to question if they're not part of some progressively more elaborate experiment.

'Chosen Survivors' is an unusual mixture of familiar themes, that never rose to its early promise for me. It did manage to build a pretty claustrophobic and suspenseful atmosphere, while the hammy script made it feel more like a television pilot than feature. Especially the first 3rd, when we're introduced to the characters by way of narrated psycho babble. Acting is fine and visually its great, the internal base is full of 70s chic.

[PRFR]
The dubious random drunken sexual attack by the pent up lead character played by Jackie Cooper, and the even more dubious 'ohh go on then' response by the victim played by Barbara Babcock (the 70s really took misogyny to another level). Ohh and I must give a massive nod to the films lighting department, it lit tunnels and elevator shafts green, way before Alien/Aliens did.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Last Kind Words, 2012 - ★★★½

Last Kind Words, 2012 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

"Why don't you kiss me... its not a sin if I'm drunk"

City dweller Katie (Sarah Steele)

'Last Kind Words' is a pretty damned cool, slow paced supernatural yarn, set in a rural backwater. It follows 17 year old Eli (Spencer Daniels) who discovers that his neighbor Waylon (Brad Dourif) is hiding a shocking family secret, and that his dream girl Amanda (Alexia Fast) isn't all she seems.

Quality little picture, its the first feature from writer/director Kevin Barker that proves so long as you put in some effort, you don't need millions to make a good film. Visually sun drenched, aurally its soaked with delta blues and folk, plus the acting is solid throughout. What more can you ask for (I really enjoyed it) I'd liken it to an indie version of 'Lovely Bones'. I guess it'll be a touch slow for thrill seekers, but if you're in the mood for something a little more restraint, you could do far far worse than this.

[PRFR]
Brad Dourif making a low budget movie worth a shit, the quality delta blues soundtrack and lovely Alexia Fast skinny dipping.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Texas Chainsaw, 2013 - ★½

Texas Chainsaw, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Fit for pig meat you'll be... squeal squeal"

Local lynch mob member

Texas Chainsaw 3D puts the Zzzzzzz in BuZZZzzz
Another trite entry in the hailing TCM franchise, the atrocious plot concerns original Sawyer family offspring Heather. She's grown up thinking she was someone else's child but due to being left property in her real mothers will. She finds out the truth that shes a descendant of the sinister Sawyer clan. Heather takes a trip to see her newly acquired property and finds out shes not the only descendant still alive, her cousin Bubba 'Leatherface' Sawyer is still lurking around the family home.

I'd feared the worst about this sorry mess early on when I'd heard it was being filmed in 3D. Sure the previous sequels and reboots had been bad but this really out did itself on the shit scale. The story was lame, visually it looked like a million dollar straight to video movie, the actings was sub par (they even threw in a poor mans Brad Pitt with Shaun Sipos)... hell even the gore FX felt decidedly shoddy. If I ever find a magic lamp I'm saving one wish for John Luessenhop to never make another horror genre movie.

[PRFR]
I really doubt I'll be remember this for anything. Guess the highlight was the silly anti Christian song by John R Butler that played on a car radio, was a very South Park moment.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Do you go dumpster diving, department store garbage bins in search of used parts!"

Art Agent (Jan Broberg)

Surprisingly competent remake of the infamous Joe Spinell/William Lustig slasher. This 2013 version is filmed in glorious frodovision, as in the entire runtime is from the POV of lead actor and hobbit Elijah Wood. He plays sexually repressed Frank. By day a mild mannered vintage mannequin restorer, by night a scalp collecting lady killer.

This remake was never going to capture the downbeat grisly tone and the sheer gore levels of the original, they just don't make movies like that anymore. It still managed to throw enough blood and sleaze to hold the film together and not leave it feeling too watered down. This remake works best in the camera work and cinematography department, you can clearly see Alexandre Aja's had an influence on the general look as well as the story. The soundtracks also pretty solid, its got that classic 70's early 80s grindhouse vibe but given a modern electronic makeover. Elijah Woods character is so understated hes not given room to mess it up, and Nora Arnezeder is very likable and attractive as photographer Anna.

[PRFR]
Elija's amusing full frontal dream shot. And the bits it successfully felt like an early 80's slasher, like the subway stalking scene.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"I'll bet there are all sorts of juicy stories, about cunty witches and the heroic deeds of the mighty John Hathorne.

Sonny (Dee Wallace)

Rob Zombies latest opus 'Lords of Salem' plays more like a beginners guide to satanic iconography than a fully realized horror film, an 'Idiots Guide to Religious Symbolism' if you will. Plot concerns a group of witches, all of whom are descendent's of those originaly thought slaughtered in Salem's infamous witch hunts. They plan to resurrect Satan through night disc jockey and atheist Heidi Hawthorne.

Great satanic witchcraft movies like say 'Rosemarys Baby' & the original 'Wickerman' worked because of their subtle slow building nature. Sadly Rob Zombies style is far too heavy handed to make LORDS work. Plus the plots painfully unoriginal and its anti climax was far too vague, whenever I see a film end in this abrupt manner it screams 'ran out of money' more to me, than being a clever tactic.

Though its to Zombie's credit there are some truly amazing visuals here, some of the dream sequences and the operatic black mass worked really well. That said they're thrown in with far too many ropey moments that border on being an MTV Headbangers ball montage. As well as visually, its aurally a mixed bag. With new compositions from Zombies regular guitarist John 5 through to greats by the likes of The Velvet Underground, they used 2 classics here.

Acting is above horror movie average, Rob's wife Sheri Moon Zombie is solid in the lead but its Judy Geeson who steals the film, as the not so do-gooding neighbor Miss Lacy Doyle. It was also a treat seeing Ken Foree all 70's chic'd & wigged up as Heidi's fellow WIQZ Radio and Big H Team member Herman 'sex machine' Jackson.

I can't hand on heart recommend it or say its anything but something worth casually seeing on a Stream or DVD, but it wasn't the total disaster people had been suggesting.

[PRFR]
Learning witches titties aren't always as mouth watering as Britt Eklands. Those surreal Kubrickian dream sequences, with everything from iconic silent cinema images through to midget sized devil fetuses being controlled via umbilical cords (in fact the dream scenes will surely establish Lords as being one for the drugs participating viewership).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Haunted Karaoke, 1997 - ★★½

Haunted Karaoke, 1997 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"How can I fight the ghosts, if I have only my dick!"

Big Eye Kuen (Frankie Ng Chi Hung)

Two police officers follow a suspect into a karoake bar. Only its far from a typical bar. Turns out the venue burnt down years earlier and the teenage party goers are really spirits, who want the cops help in tracking down the arsonists responsible.

Downright silly supernatural comedy from CATIII master 'Billy Tang Hin-Sing' and Golden Harvest studio. Sadly this ones aimed squarly at the romantic comedy market more than horror one. To its credit It at least had enough idiosyncratic HK oddness to hold my attention for its 90 minutes. Like hopping spirits, haunted tamagotchi's and samurai masked guardian spirits.

[PRFR]
A mild comic- sex scene one of our heroes beds a cute ghost named Red Shoes (the hot Jane Chung Chun), only it cuts away and we see him by himself like hes doing a goofy rodeo.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Ooga Booga, 2013 - ★½

Ooga Booga, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Do you want me to show you why they call me a finger puppet"

Ooga Booga (voiced by Bob Ramos)

Having covered nazisploitation, drugsploitation & breadsploitation with Puppet Master, Evil Bong & Gingerdead Man. Full Moon's Chas Band turns his lowbrow doll skills towards blaxploitation, with a totally politically incorrect bone through the nose tribesman named Ooga Booga. Plots about a children's pig entertainer named Hambo, leaving one of his fans Devlin a replica doll. Only while buying his girlfriend a slushy, Dev gets caught up in a store robbery and gets killed by a racist cop. His blood mixes with slushy mix, which make the lifeless doll come alive and seek revenge.

Ooga Booga's one of those movies aimed squarely at the undemanding stoner audience. Sure the doll itself looks pretty neat and will bag one or two laughs, sadly the story especially the lame jokes are terrible. Guess it was nice to see stalwarts like Stacey Keach and Karen Black still acting (if only to prove they're still both breathing).

[PRFR]

Ooga getting some spear relief after walking into his girlfriend showering.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Resolution, 2013 - ★★★

Resolution, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Maybe you have split personalities and your leaving each other gifts and shit for you to find."

Chris Daniels (Vinny Curran)

Michael intervenes with his old friend Chris's drug habit, forcing him to go cold turkey by handcuffing him in his crack hovel. Only Michael keeps stumbling on bizarre media left around the crack shack, slowly both Mike and Chris's world turns in on itself.

Resolution makes for an interesting change of pace, albeit not a completely successful one. Its a little bit social drama here, a little bit meta thriller headfuck there, and lots of meh everywhere else. The vibe of the movie most reminded me of the indie gem 'Cookers' crossed with Stuart Gordons puzzling 'King of the Ants' (both far better movies in my opinion). My big problem was the poor unbelievable casting of Vinny Curran as the crack addict Chris, he seemed more like a member of the 'Hangover' gang, than a man living a drug addicted life.

[PRFR]

Bill Oberst Jr. as the creepy French dope smoking archaeologist, the gleefully WTF/strange ending.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Infected, 2012 - ★½

Infected, 2012 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Someday we'll find an end to all this, until then we'll just keep fighting."

Louis (Michael Madsen) 

Been there before horror, thats totally devoid of entertainment value. An hunting community is plagued by a blood virus, which causes those infected to turn into flesh craving zombie-like killers.

Infected's story and overall structure is so tired and hackneyed I'm shocked even shitty actors in decline like Michael Madsen & William Forsythe didn't insist on wearing disguises and using alias. One most viewers won't manage to make it through, unless like me your too hung over to get off the sofa to switch it off.

[PRFR]
William Forsythe's character giving his opinion on modern society while vivisecting a deer, plus I'll be honest I was amused at the song in the end credits which featured spoken word dialog from Madsen.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

13 eerie, 2013 - ★★½

13 eerie, 2013 - ★★½
REVIEWED

Average Canadian indie horror outing that starts with a cool concept and ends up just becoming another lame body count rack'em up. A group of forensic students get taken away to a training compound, where they're expected to study a set of medical supplied corpses. Only there happens to be more corpses than had been placed around the camp, and they're forced to fight for their life.

I'm not going to be cruel on this, I can't say it worked for me but I've seen far worse. Some of the gores pretty good, sadly during the last third most actions at night and is barely lit. The actings is also passable, its just a shame they didn't use the forensic camp concept in a better way.

[PRFR]

A bearded Nick Moran playing the camps stoner cook Larry 'where's me chickens' Jefferson.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Mama, 2013 - ★★½

Mama, 2013 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"I will come back from Clifton Forge with an answer"

Dr. Dreyfuss (Daniel Kash)

A disturbed man having killed his wife, flees to a remote cabin with his two young daughters. His intention is to kill his children so they don't have to face the horrors of life, only hes stopped in his tracks and the girls are left alone for 5 years, only are they really alone.

Bang a few creepy kids in a supernatural horror movie and you're usually onto a sure fire hit. Sadly Andrés Muschietti feature length version of Mama fails to deliver where it matter, namely in being scary. It isn't a total disaster it manages to build a sinister atmosphere early on, in fact for the first hour I was really enjoying it. Its when we finally see our completely CG rendered ghoul that it falls flat, and the film shifts from actually being an horror movie into being more of a fantasy. Didn't help I got confused with the same actor playing both the kids Dad and Uncle.

I just feel a little cheated being a huge horror fan, 'Mama' just fails to offer anything we've not seen dozens of times before and better. Its like they can just tag Guillermo del Toro's name or one of his movies to it and it will be an automatic success. For me 'Painless' was a far superior Spanish horror this year, and 'When the Lights Went Out' made a better child based supernatural chiller.

[PRFR: Personal Reasons For Remembering]

The acting especially by the children is way above standard. As is the cinematography, like the glorious opening with the car speeding along the winding snowy roads (that was oddly reminiscent of Kubrick's The Shinning).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Horrors of Malformed Men, 1969 - ★★★★

Horrors of Malformed Men, 1969 - ★★★★
REVIEWED
Japanese exploitation legend Teruo Ishii's horror opus is basically a twisted, weirded out version of 'Island of Lost Souls'. I waited years to see this and thankfully it delivered. Comes highly recommended but only suitable to fans of bizarre cinema.

Originally taken from Letterboxd