The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"I'll bet there are all sorts of juicy stories, about cunty witches and the heroic deeds of the mighty John Hathorne.

Sonny (Dee Wallace)

Rob Zombies latest opus 'Lords of Salem' plays more like a beginners guide to satanic iconography than a fully realized horror film, an 'Idiots Guide to Religious Symbolism' if you will. Plot concerns a group of witches, all of whom are descendent's of those originaly thought slaughtered in Salem's infamous witch hunts. They plan to resurrect Satan through night disc jockey and atheist Heidi Hawthorne.

Great satanic witchcraft movies like say 'Rosemarys Baby' & the original 'Wickerman' worked because of their subtle slow building nature. Sadly Rob Zombies style is far too heavy handed to make LORDS work. Plus the plots painfully unoriginal and its anti climax was far too vague, whenever I see a film end in this abrupt manner it screams 'ran out of money' more to me, than being a clever tactic.

Though its to Zombie's credit there are some truly amazing visuals here, some of the dream sequences and the operatic black mass worked really well. That said they're thrown in with far too many ropey moments that border on being an MTV Headbangers ball montage. As well as visually, its aurally a mixed bag. With new compositions from Zombies regular guitarist John 5 through to greats by the likes of The Velvet Underground, they used 2 classics here.

Acting is above horror movie average, Rob's wife Sheri Moon Zombie is solid in the lead but its Judy Geeson who steals the film, as the not so do-gooding neighbor Miss Lacy Doyle. It was also a treat seeing Ken Foree all 70's chic'd & wigged up as Heidi's fellow WIQZ Radio and Big H Team member Herman 'sex machine' Jackson.

I can't hand on heart recommend it or say its anything but something worth casually seeing on a Stream or DVD, but it wasn't the total disaster people had been suggesting.

[PRFR]
Learning witches titties aren't always as mouth watering as Britt Eklands. Those surreal Kubrickian dream sequences, with everything from iconic silent cinema images through to midget sized devil fetuses being controlled via umbilical cords (in fact the dream scenes will surely establish Lords as being one for the drugs participating viewership).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Legend of the Witches, 1970 - ★★★★½

Legend of the Witches, 1970 - ★★★★½
REVIEWED

"The symbolic whippings let him understand, from now hes subject to the disciplines of the cult."

Narrator

Viewed as part of my Beware the Docs of March Marathon 1. Brilliant and somewhat eerie B&W documentary oddity, covering English witches and paganism from medieval times through to modern day. It works as both a nature style docu with a narrator describing the actions of a witchcraft cult, and also includes the history of their beliefs, and how it predated Christianity.

For an old vintage film it really kicks ass, its got it all from debasing Christianity, a cock sacrifice, hallucinogenic herbs, sound induced trances and naked pagan fertility ceremonies. A little bit of the documentary uses old paintings or stock footage, but theres also heaps of marvelously filmed b&w footage of black masses and a bizarre Cornish witchcraft Museum, thats got jars of mutilated sex organs among its many delights. I was fascinated throughout, I learnt so much about my own countries darker history, plus it packed lots of boobs which sealed the deal for me. Its also given me a new twisted catchphrase "Piercing the wafer".

It could be argued that much of this is sensationalized performance pieces and not authentic witches in action. But aren't all docs subjects slightly playing up towards the camera, anyway out of all the great docs I've caught in March, this was probably my favorite (certainly in my top 3). I'm coming to the end of March now, but anyone recommend me any docu oddities please do so HERE.

Originally taken from Letterboxd