The Almost Man, 2012 - ★★★½

The Almost Man, 2012 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

"She can uncoil her boobs until they are 10-12 meters long..."

Henrik (Henrik Rafaelsen)

35 year old Norwegian Henrik is bored with the mundanity of modern adult life, so hes refused to fully mature. Only his worlds pushed into crises when his girlfriend Tone tells him shes pregnant.

Martin Lund's debut movie is an odd toned romantic comedy, that actually plays more like a drama and character study of a man child. Henrik Rafaelsen who looks somewhere between 'The It Crowds' Chris O'Dowd and 'League of Gents' Mark Gatiss, plays Henrik so well its easy to believe you're just watching a guys daily life. Likewise Janne Heltberg is hugely likable as his girlfriend Tone, just a shame the nudity in the film was all male. I really liked The Almost Man, its not perfect or entertaining every second, but it definitely comes from an honest place.

[PRFR]
The scene Henrick gets caught pissing on a copy of Peter Pan, which was probably a reference to defacing a character that never grows up.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Do you go dumpster diving, department store garbage bins in search of used parts!"

Art Agent (Jan Broberg)

Surprisingly competent remake of the infamous Joe Spinell/William Lustig slasher. This 2013 version is filmed in glorious frodovision, as in the entire runtime is from the POV of lead actor and hobbit Elijah Wood. He plays sexually repressed Frank. By day a mild mannered vintage mannequin restorer, by night a scalp collecting lady killer.

This remake was never going to capture the downbeat grisly tone and the sheer gore levels of the original, they just don't make movies like that anymore. It still managed to throw enough blood and sleaze to hold the film together and not leave it feeling too watered down. This remake works best in the camera work and cinematography department, you can clearly see Alexandre Aja's had an influence on the general look as well as the story. The soundtracks also pretty solid, its got that classic 70's early 80s grindhouse vibe but given a modern electronic makeover. Elijah Woods character is so understated hes not given room to mess it up, and Nora Arnezeder is very likable and attractive as photographer Anna.

[PRFR]
Elija's amusing full frontal dream shot. And the bits it successfully felt like an early 80's slasher, like the subway stalking scene.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"I'll bet there are all sorts of juicy stories, about cunty witches and the heroic deeds of the mighty John Hathorne.

Sonny (Dee Wallace)

Rob Zombies latest opus 'Lords of Salem' plays more like a beginners guide to satanic iconography than a fully realized horror film, an 'Idiots Guide to Religious Symbolism' if you will. Plot concerns a group of witches, all of whom are descendent's of those originaly thought slaughtered in Salem's infamous witch hunts. They plan to resurrect Satan through night disc jockey and atheist Heidi Hawthorne.

Great satanic witchcraft movies like say 'Rosemarys Baby' & the original 'Wickerman' worked because of their subtle slow building nature. Sadly Rob Zombies style is far too heavy handed to make LORDS work. Plus the plots painfully unoriginal and its anti climax was far too vague, whenever I see a film end in this abrupt manner it screams 'ran out of money' more to me, than being a clever tactic.

Though its to Zombie's credit there are some truly amazing visuals here, some of the dream sequences and the operatic black mass worked really well. That said they're thrown in with far too many ropey moments that border on being an MTV Headbangers ball montage. As well as visually, its aurally a mixed bag. With new compositions from Zombies regular guitarist John 5 through to greats by the likes of The Velvet Underground, they used 2 classics here.

Acting is above horror movie average, Rob's wife Sheri Moon Zombie is solid in the lead but its Judy Geeson who steals the film, as the not so do-gooding neighbor Miss Lacy Doyle. It was also a treat seeing Ken Foree all 70's chic'd & wigged up as Heidi's fellow WIQZ Radio and Big H Team member Herman 'sex machine' Jackson.

I can't hand on heart recommend it or say its anything but something worth casually seeing on a Stream or DVD, but it wasn't the total disaster people had been suggesting.

[PRFR]
Learning witches titties aren't always as mouth watering as Britt Eklands. Those surreal Kubrickian dream sequences, with everything from iconic silent cinema images through to midget sized devil fetuses being controlled via umbilical cords (in fact the dream scenes will surely establish Lords as being one for the drugs participating viewership).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Shameless, 2012 - ★★½

Shameless, 2012 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"So that's how it is in their family"

Ed Rooney the Principle in Ferris Bueller

Morally dubious and downright gloomy incestuous relationship slash social drama from Poland. Tadek moves back in with his sister Anka, whose now become a trophy date to her rising in politics boyfriend. Its clear both Tadek and Anka have been very close earlier in their lives, only the brother wants to take it further.

Shameless is not an easy film to judge, on one hand its got interesting statements to make on modern Polish life, especially with the gypsy character of Irmina whose built up an infatuation with Tadek. But on the other hand it suspiciously plays out like a slice of Eurosleaze, especially in the way Anka seemingly prances around most the film, subtly teasing her poor brother. I just wish the film would have made up its mind and been one or the other, instead of falling someplace between.

[PRFR: Personal Reasons For Remembering]

The sexy Polish actresses Agnieszka Grochowska and Anna Próchniak.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Cloud Atlas, 2012 - ★★★

Cloud Atlas, 2012 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Ain't no blade can protect you from the True-True..."

Old Georgie (Hugo Weaving)

So the Wachowski's (with aid from Tom Tykwer) finally serve up their new dish minus meat and two veg, and for most part its pure nonsensical self indulgence, but at least its visually rewarding self indulgence. Its a cee gee eye/costume heavy, fantasy morality pantomime. With the simplistic Buddhist message that a selfless kind act can be as important to the grand scale of things than a vicious one, ohh and love never dies. But its drawn out over six stories in six timelines and what felt like several hours.

"Soylent Green are people!"

Timothy Cavendish (Jim Broadbent)

I don't want to be malicious, because its very good in parts, and the Wacko's offer heaps of colour and variety to cinema. Even though I didn't overly like it myself, I'll give it credit for at least trying to do its own thing in a unique way. Typically Wachowski's pay a massive nod to their love of anime, and the future Seoul setting was arguably the best timeline. It was my personal favorite until Neo popped up and it turned into a videogame cutscene. My key problem though was the twee concept of the same actors surfacing again in different guises wore thin fast. I wanted it to just tell its story not force me to play a really fuckin' expensive version of 'Wheres Wally' (or 'WHICH ONES WALLY' in this case).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Modus Anomali, 2012 - ★★

Modus Anomali, 2012 - ★★
REVIEWED

"Go back to the beginning"

Scratched into a corpses skin

'Modus Anomali' is an horror movie based in real time. It revolves around a man waking up in a woods suffering amnesia, while roaming around the area he finds little trinkets and notices helping him fill in his blank memories. Turns out he'd been on a family holiday in the area and is now in a race against time to save his two boys.

Pointless, ball-less Indonesian horror/thriller, that lacks its own identity. It feels like a substandard rip-off of several US horror movies. Oddly the thing it reminded me most of was the 360 game Alan Wake, only without the cool twilight zone tv stuff, mixed with that Coldplay video that was made in reverse. Filmmaker Joko Anwar who managed to score a bit of a cult hit in the west with his earlier movie Pintu Terlarang, no doubt got a cash up front distribution deal to make anything he pleased (and thats what he delivered, something to easily please English speaking viewers). Western horror fans don't want this, we want flying heads and demonic snake princesses, like Indonesia used to give us. Ohh and this letterboxd poster is far better than the grubby dvd cover image.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Crawlspace, 2013 - ★★

Crawlspace, 2013 - ★★
REVIEWED

"Enough of the fucking bio-babble."

Romeo (Ditch Davey)

Muddled horror tinged slice of claustrophobic science fiction. Set in a futuristic military bases passage sub system. A special task force is sent in to shut down a wayward military experiment with thought implanting and telepaths.

Dull substandard trite, that plays like a poor mans cross between Mimic and Scanners (theres even an head exploding). Acting is OK, the two central characters played by Amber Clayton and Ditch Davey are good, a couple of the other actors performances don't fair so good. The creature and set design was also pretty good, infact visually it looked kinda similar to an episode of Doctor Who (though nowhere near as entertaining).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Come Out and Play, 2013 - ★★½

Come Out and Play, 2013 - ★★½

"I'm dripping in sweat... I'd kill for a shower."

Beth (Vinessa Shaw)

Visually appealing, though near scene for scene remake of Narciso Ibanez Serrador's classic horror movie 'Who Can Kill a Child?'. Francisco and Beth are a couple with the hopes of enjoying one last holiday together before their first child is born. They've planned to spend it in a renowned beauty spot on a remote Mexican island. Only the island seems deserted, with the exception of a bunch of sinister local children.

Actor Ebon Moss-Bachrach was very good as Francis, a little like a younger James Spader (an actor I'll be keeping my eyes out for) likewise Vinessa Shaw was OK, as his pregnant wife Beth. Its got beautiful tropical scenery & locations, which made a pleasant change from all the grim American woodlands and British council estates we've had an overkill of in horror movies recently. New director Makinov (who seems to like HUGE titles) plays it too safe and respects the source material a little too much for my liking, and it severally lacks the sinister appeal of the Spanish original. Until the final 10 minutes the kids just aren't creepy enough, they feel more like locals eager to get their faces on camera. I enjoy it, the 87 minutes flew by, but at the end of the day it was another needless remake.

Originally taken from Letterboxd