Cool Air, 2006 - ★½

Cool Air, 2006 - ★½
REVIEWED

"I wasn't aware that Night of the Living Dead was a documentary."

Dr. Shockner

Low grade version of H.P. Lovecraft's 'Necronomicon Book of Dead'. A struggling writer suffers an heart attack while cooped away writing his masterpiece. He's helped by his secretive neighbor Dr. Shockner who practices experimental medicine. Thought cured its not long before the writer notices hes not the man he once was.

Though its pretty competent for an Albert Pyun film, its extremely boring, overly talky and severely lacking in action of any kind. It may appeal to undemanding Lovecraft fans who don't mind one of their heroes most popular stories narrated by 3rd rate actors. Personally it did absolutely nothing for me I was praying for the FADE TO BLACK.

[PRFR]
Extremely unmemorable, I guess the exception was seeing the cringe worthy porno quality actress playing an autistic character.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Facility, 2012 - ★

The Facility, 2012 - ★
REVIEWED

"Do you wanna know what the side fx of brain drugs are? ... anything the human mind can think on and act on... thats the side fx"

Morty (Steve Evets)

Warning: Side-FX may involve anxiety, head swelling and murder.

Bland, low grade British medical horror following a group of drug trial volunteers testing a new drug named Symtrex Pro9.

The Facility originally titled Guinea Pigs is as humorless as its forgettable. The ending was rushed, the plot felt derivative and the acting was sub afternoon soap opera quality.

[PRFR]
I wont remember anything, I guess at a push I kinda liked the Mancunian drug trail journey man character Morty, for the simple fact there probably are people who do these trials for a living.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Chosen Survivors, 1974 - ★★½

Chosen Survivors, 1974 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"It consumes its own weight in blood every day."

Alana Fitzgerald (Diana Muldaur)

Slightly off kilter post apocalyptic fantasy, following a group of chosen individuals who are lucky enough to land places in a state of the art futuristic underground base, ahead of an imminent nuclear attack on the USA. Only the group are plagued by vampire bats, and begin to question if they're not part of some progressively more elaborate experiment.

'Chosen Survivors' is an unusual mixture of familiar themes, that never rose to its early promise for me. It did manage to build a pretty claustrophobic and suspenseful atmosphere, while the hammy script made it feel more like a television pilot than feature. Especially the first 3rd, when we're introduced to the characters by way of narrated psycho babble. Acting is fine and visually its great, the internal base is full of 70s chic.

[PRFR]
The dubious random drunken sexual attack by the pent up lead character played by Jackie Cooper, and the even more dubious 'ohh go on then' response by the victim played by Barbara Babcock (the 70s really took misogyny to another level). Ohh and I must give a massive nod to the films lighting department, it lit tunnels and elevator shafts green, way before Alien/Aliens did.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Last Kind Words, 2012 - ★★★½

Last Kind Words, 2012 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

"Why don't you kiss me... its not a sin if I'm drunk"

City dweller Katie (Sarah Steele)

'Last Kind Words' is a pretty damned cool, slow paced supernatural yarn, set in a rural backwater. It follows 17 year old Eli (Spencer Daniels) who discovers that his neighbor Waylon (Brad Dourif) is hiding a shocking family secret, and that his dream girl Amanda (Alexia Fast) isn't all she seems.

Quality little picture, its the first feature from writer/director Kevin Barker that proves so long as you put in some effort, you don't need millions to make a good film. Visually sun drenched, aurally its soaked with delta blues and folk, plus the acting is solid throughout. What more can you ask for (I really enjoyed it) I'd liken it to an indie version of 'Lovely Bones'. I guess it'll be a touch slow for thrill seekers, but if you're in the mood for something a little more restraint, you could do far far worse than this.

[PRFR]
Brad Dourif making a low budget movie worth a shit, the quality delta blues soundtrack and lovely Alexia Fast skinny dipping.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Iron Man 3, 2013 - ★★★½

Iron Man 3, 2013 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

"Failure is the fog through which we glimpse triumph."

Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce)

Stark raving hilarious 3rd solo outing for Iron Man. Tony Stark emotionally crippled and prone to anxiety attacks since his recent duty with the Avengers, has to face a nerdy cognitive scientist hell bent on creating hybrid humans to conquer the medical world and take revenge on Stark for failing to acknowledge his genius years earlier.

The basic setup is pretty standard superhero gubbins that we've seen 100s of times before... evil genius intent on making an impact on the world, kidnaps the heroes woman yada yada blah blah. So zero points for originality then, but the 3rd outing still makes for a rewarding experience because Drew Pearce & Shane Black's script plays off these familiar stereotypes so damned well, almost to the point of being more a comedy than all out actioner.

Its gonna be a long time before anyone could attempt to do Tony Stark other than Robert Downey Jr. hes made the role his own. I loved the more anxiety riddled version this time around, was a little less cocksure but still enough super ego. Gwyneth Paltrow was hot as Penny, literary. Don Cheadle was Don Cheadle... again. And Jon Favreau was in disguise as Tony Soprano. While Ben Kingsley was hilarious has hammy kangaroo villain Mandarin. And Guy Pearce putting in another solid performance as Aldrich Killian, though agreeably not the most formidable villain whose ever graced a comic based franchise.

I'll be honest I never enjoyed 'The Avengers' half as much as everyone else seemed to do (could have been a little to do with the over hype), but it just felt like a CGI video game cut scene to me. So it was a treat that 'Iron Man 3' though not the greatest superhero movie ever, was still heaps of fun.

[PRFR]
I loved Starks big bro like interactions with the fatherless kid, plus so many laugh out loud segments from suits malfunctioning to Mandarin's off camera antics.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Aftershock, 2013 - ★½

Aftershock, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Your going to hell..."

Escaped Criminal

Having recently shat upon the world the truly shambolic web series 'Hemlock Grove', Eli Roth steps in front of the camera for the equally shambolic Chilean gore soaked disaster romp 'Aftershock'. A vacationing American and his party get caught up in an earthquake while clubbing in Chili. As well dealing with the initial destruction, the groups got to deal with the aftershock, which include a gang of escaped criminals and the threat of a tsunami.

Such an atrocious 10+ million waste of celluloid, I doubt I'll catch a worse film for its budget for the remainder of this year. I seriously hope writer & director Nicolás López, along with with the rest of the cast+crew blew their budget on quality pharmaceuticals, because it doesn't look like it went into the film. Every character is an asshole, you're only too happy to see die. The first third feels totally wasted, sort of like a goofy 'Hangover' style vacation setup, including a Chilean Zach Galifanakis wannabe only with zero the charm. Then when the laughably bad earthquake hits, the film picks up a little, but the events tensions wasted when you meet the goofy premise of escaped women hungry prisoners. On the bright side the locations are beautiful, as are various members of the fairer sex within the movie.

[PRFR]
Cheering when the dreadful dancer Russel bowed out, highly possible his cameo was some local Chilean celebrity that western viewers wouldn't get the reference. In fact to be fair, in the films credit you never know when one of the key character's is about to get wiped out, which was a tad refreshing. And the final was pretty cool, a little reminiscent of the surfer movie 'Point Break'.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

West of the Moon - ★★★★

West of the Moon - ★★★★
REVIEWED

"It was not a Great War, it was terrible."

Narrator (Michael John Galvin

Quirky and extremely glossy 10 minute short, linking various children's dream accounts into a fantasy ripping yarn. With the main universal themes being about age and memories of those we've lost.

Such an easy way to spend 10 minutes, it looks somewhat like an expensive beer commercial, but thats not exactly bad. Another gem I've stumbled upon thanks to a member on LBoxd.

[PRFR]
The whole 10 minutes are pure eye candy. But the moment that stuck out for me was when I understood it came from children's ideas, with the segment they change it from a bird in the kitchen to a robot, kinda makes you sad kids lose their imaginations as they grow older.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Demolitionist, 1995 - ★★★½

The Demolitionist, 1995 - ★★★½
REVIEWED

"I don't just blow shit up, I create new space"

Explosives Dealer Big Frank (Andre Rosey Brown)

You know the worlds gone to shit when your cities mayor is played by Susan Tyrrell. Robert Kurtzman's The Demolitionist' is a hugely entertaining B-grade action romp, that plagiarises 'Robocop' for all its 1k dollars worth. A futureshock city is torn apart by a criminal gang headed by Maddog (Richard Grieco). When officer Alyssa Lloyd (Nicole Eggert) gets violently slain on duty. The mayor enlists a scientist to bring her back from dead to put an end to the gangs reign.

Its tacky as shit, but such a rewarding and amusing viewing experience. What budget it got is thrown away on ever more massive explosions and guns that fire 10k bullets a pop. The casts a cult movie fans wet dream, its chocked with the likes of Bruce Abbott, Bruce Campbell and Tom Savini, I love Susan Tyrrell she never fails to impress.

[PRFR]
Explosions, boobs, the 3rd rate Snake Plisken, shoot offs, bikes, Grieco body melting and even more explosions. In other words, everything that makes for a rewarding no brainer.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Lucky, 2011 - ★★½

Lucky, 2011 - ★★½
REVIEWED

"Are aphids the ones that bite the heads off their husbands"

Imaginary Friend

Light hearted romcom/thriller. Following a mild mothers boy and lady killing serial killer Ben (played by Tom Hanks jnr Colin Hanks). He's had a lifelong crush on his neighbor Lucy (Ari Graynor), only shes always spurned his advances until that is he wins 37 million dollars on the lottery. But can he keep the girl, the money and his killing hobby.

Very average comedy, theres slight Hitchcockian vibe that never develops enough to make it rise above being mediocre. I did sort of like both Ari Graynor as Lucy and Colin Hanks as Ben, but both their characters needed to have a nastier edge.

[PRFR]
Erm its not got much memorable, in fact I watched it yesterday and can't honestly remember an whole lot 24 hours later. Guess the all girl hot tub party with imaginary people stood out (shame about the bikinis).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Texas Chainsaw, 2013 - ★½

Texas Chainsaw, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Fit for pig meat you'll be... squeal squeal"

Local lynch mob member

Texas Chainsaw 3D puts the Zzzzzzz in BuZZZzzz
Another trite entry in the hailing TCM franchise, the atrocious plot concerns original Sawyer family offspring Heather. She's grown up thinking she was someone else's child but due to being left property in her real mothers will. She finds out the truth that shes a descendant of the sinister Sawyer clan. Heather takes a trip to see her newly acquired property and finds out shes not the only descendant still alive, her cousin Bubba 'Leatherface' Sawyer is still lurking around the family home.

I'd feared the worst about this sorry mess early on when I'd heard it was being filmed in 3D. Sure the previous sequels and reboots had been bad but this really out did itself on the shit scale. The story was lame, visually it looked like a million dollar straight to video movie, the actings was sub par (they even threw in a poor mans Brad Pitt with Shaun Sipos)... hell even the gore FX felt decidedly shoddy. If I ever find a magic lamp I'm saving one wish for John Luessenhop to never make another horror genre movie.

[PRFR]
I really doubt I'll be remember this for anything. Guess the highlight was the silly anti Christian song by John R Butler that played on a car radio, was a very South Park moment.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★

Maniac, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Do you go dumpster diving, department store garbage bins in search of used parts!"

Art Agent (Jan Broberg)

Surprisingly competent remake of the infamous Joe Spinell/William Lustig slasher. This 2013 version is filmed in glorious frodovision, as in the entire runtime is from the POV of lead actor and hobbit Elijah Wood. He plays sexually repressed Frank. By day a mild mannered vintage mannequin restorer, by night a scalp collecting lady killer.

This remake was never going to capture the downbeat grisly tone and the sheer gore levels of the original, they just don't make movies like that anymore. It still managed to throw enough blood and sleaze to hold the film together and not leave it feeling too watered down. This remake works best in the camera work and cinematography department, you can clearly see Alexandre Aja's had an influence on the general look as well as the story. The soundtracks also pretty solid, its got that classic 70's early 80s grindhouse vibe but given a modern electronic makeover. Elijah Woods character is so understated hes not given room to mess it up, and Nora Arnezeder is very likable and attractive as photographer Anna.

[PRFR]
Elija's amusing full frontal dream shot. And the bits it successfully felt like an early 80's slasher, like the subway stalking scene.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★

The Lords of Salem, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"I'll bet there are all sorts of juicy stories, about cunty witches and the heroic deeds of the mighty John Hathorne.

Sonny (Dee Wallace)

Rob Zombies latest opus 'Lords of Salem' plays more like a beginners guide to satanic iconography than a fully realized horror film, an 'Idiots Guide to Religious Symbolism' if you will. Plot concerns a group of witches, all of whom are descendent's of those originaly thought slaughtered in Salem's infamous witch hunts. They plan to resurrect Satan through night disc jockey and atheist Heidi Hawthorne.

Great satanic witchcraft movies like say 'Rosemarys Baby' & the original 'Wickerman' worked because of their subtle slow building nature. Sadly Rob Zombies style is far too heavy handed to make LORDS work. Plus the plots painfully unoriginal and its anti climax was far too vague, whenever I see a film end in this abrupt manner it screams 'ran out of money' more to me, than being a clever tactic.

Though its to Zombie's credit there are some truly amazing visuals here, some of the dream sequences and the operatic black mass worked really well. That said they're thrown in with far too many ropey moments that border on being an MTV Headbangers ball montage. As well as visually, its aurally a mixed bag. With new compositions from Zombies regular guitarist John 5 through to greats by the likes of The Velvet Underground, they used 2 classics here.

Acting is above horror movie average, Rob's wife Sheri Moon Zombie is solid in the lead but its Judy Geeson who steals the film, as the not so do-gooding neighbor Miss Lacy Doyle. It was also a treat seeing Ken Foree all 70's chic'd & wigged up as Heidi's fellow WIQZ Radio and Big H Team member Herman 'sex machine' Jackson.

I can't hand on heart recommend it or say its anything but something worth casually seeing on a Stream or DVD, but it wasn't the total disaster people had been suggesting.

[PRFR]
Learning witches titties aren't always as mouth watering as Britt Eklands. Those surreal Kubrickian dream sequences, with everything from iconic silent cinema images through to midget sized devil fetuses being controlled via umbilical cords (in fact the dream scenes will surely establish Lords as being one for the drugs participating viewership).

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Ooga Booga, 2013 - ★½

Ooga Booga, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED

"Do you want me to show you why they call me a finger puppet"

Ooga Booga (voiced by Bob Ramos)

Having covered nazisploitation, drugsploitation & breadsploitation with Puppet Master, Evil Bong & Gingerdead Man. Full Moon's Chas Band turns his lowbrow doll skills towards blaxploitation, with a totally politically incorrect bone through the nose tribesman named Ooga Booga. Plots about a children's pig entertainer named Hambo, leaving one of his fans Devlin a replica doll. Only while buying his girlfriend a slushy, Dev gets caught up in a store robbery and gets killed by a racist cop. His blood mixes with slushy mix, which make the lifeless doll come alive and seek revenge.

Ooga Booga's one of those movies aimed squarely at the undemanding stoner audience. Sure the doll itself looks pretty neat and will bag one or two laughs, sadly the story especially the lame jokes are terrible. Guess it was nice to see stalwarts like Stacey Keach and Karen Black still acting (if only to prove they're still both breathing).

[PRFR]

Ooga getting some spear relief after walking into his girlfriend showering.

Originally taken from Letterboxd

Resolution, 2013 - ★★★

Resolution, 2013 - ★★★
REVIEWED

"Maybe you have split personalities and your leaving each other gifts and shit for you to find."

Chris Daniels (Vinny Curran)

Michael intervenes with his old friend Chris's drug habit, forcing him to go cold turkey by handcuffing him in his crack hovel. Only Michael keeps stumbling on bizarre media left around the crack shack, slowly both Mike and Chris's world turns in on itself.

Resolution makes for an interesting change of pace, albeit not a completely successful one. Its a little bit social drama here, a little bit meta thriller headfuck there, and lots of meh everywhere else. The vibe of the movie most reminded me of the indie gem 'Cookers' crossed with Stuart Gordons puzzling 'King of the Ants' (both far better movies in my opinion). My big problem was the poor unbelievable casting of Vinny Curran as the crack addict Chris, he seemed more like a member of the 'Hangover' gang, than a man living a drug addicted life.

[PRFR]

Bill Oberst Jr. as the creepy French dope smoking archaeologist, the gleefully WTF/strange ending.

Originally taken from Letterboxd