Texas Chainsaw, 2013 - ★½
REVIEWED
Texas Chainsaw 3D puts the Zzzzzzz in BuZZZzzz
Another trite entry in the hailing TCM franchise, the atrocious plot concerns original Sawyer family offspring Heather. She's grown up thinking she was someone else's child but due to being left property in her real mothers will. She finds out the truth that shes a descendant of the sinister Sawyer clan. Heather takes a trip to see her newly acquired property and finds out shes not the only descendant still alive, her cousin Bubba 'Leatherface' Sawyer is still lurking around the family home.
I'd feared the worst about this sorry mess early on when I'd heard it was being filmed in 3D. Sure the previous sequels and reboots had been bad but this really out did itself on the shit scale. The story was lame, visually it looked like a million dollar straight to video movie, the actings was sub par (they even threw in a poor mans Brad Pitt with Shaun Sipos)... hell even the gore FX felt decidedly shoddy. If I ever find a magic lamp I'm saving one wish for John Luessenhop to never make another horror genre movie.
[PRFR]
I really doubt I'll be remember this for anything. Guess the highlight was the silly anti Christian song by John R Butler that played on a car radio, was a very South Park moment.
Originally taken from Letterboxd
REVIEWED
"Fit for pig meat you'll be... squeal squeal"
Local lynch mob member
Another trite entry in the hailing TCM franchise, the atrocious plot concerns original Sawyer family offspring Heather. She's grown up thinking she was someone else's child but due to being left property in her real mothers will. She finds out the truth that shes a descendant of the sinister Sawyer clan. Heather takes a trip to see her newly acquired property and finds out shes not the only descendant still alive, her cousin Bubba 'Leatherface' Sawyer is still lurking around the family home.
I'd feared the worst about this sorry mess early on when I'd heard it was being filmed in 3D. Sure the previous sequels and reboots had been bad but this really out did itself on the shit scale. The story was lame, visually it looked like a million dollar straight to video movie, the actings was sub par (they even threw in a poor mans Brad Pitt with Shaun Sipos)... hell even the gore FX felt decidedly shoddy. If I ever find a magic lamp I'm saving one wish for John Luessenhop to never make another horror genre movie.
[PRFR]
I really doubt I'll be remember this for anything. Guess the highlight was the silly anti Christian song by John R Butler that played on a car radio, was a very South Park moment.
On the eve of his high school graduation, unremarkable Will Kidman finally bonds with the girl he has long yearned for, reclusive Eliana Wynter. But he also discovers a dark secret from his past... that he is about to become a werewolf. Now, in an effort to fight destiny and save their love as well as their lives, they must battle not only Will's growing blood lust but an army of fearsome beasts bent on killing them... and then, us all.
After the disappearance of a renowned real estate agent, an investigation is open to unveil the mystery surrounding the Valdemar Mansion she was evaluating. Private detective, Nicolás Tramel and Dr. Cervía, expert in paranormal encounters, will join to fathom the obscure Valdemar Legacy and elucidate this vanishing.
Elvira is travelling through the French countryside with her friend Genevieve, searching for the lost tomb of a medieval murderess and possible vampire, Countess Wandessa. They find a likely site in the castle of Waldemar Daninsky, who invites the women to stay as long as they like. As Waldemar shows Elvira the tomb that supposedly houses the countess, she accidentally causes the vampire to come back to life, hungrier than ever. Daninsky has a hidden secret of his own, but will it be enough to save the two girls from becoming Wandessa's next victims?
A man has had a werewolf curse cast upon him. If he doesn't get rid of it, he turns into a killer werewolf when the moon is full.
Aliens from a dying world plot to conquer earth by praying on man's superstitions. Bringing two dead scientists back to life, they use their knowledge to re-animate various earth monsters, including the werewolf Waldemar Daninsky, Frankenstein's monster, the mummy Tao-Tet, and the vampire Count de Meirhoff.
It's uncertain if it was ever finished and it remains unreleased in any form, director René Govar died in car crash before completing the film, Naschy himself has never seen the film but claims the French film archives have preserved a trailer.
The sequel to Laid to Rest, that brings back ChromeSkull, who barely escaped death in the first movie and is hell-bent on continuing where he left off... and forging a new path of terror and destruction.
A young couple tries to free an imprisoned child with catastrophic results.
Three months have passed since a viral outbreak wiped out 99.9% of the world's population, turning its victims into flesh-eating living dead. In the UK, a surviving band of soldiers and civilians have taken refuge at a rural military barracks. Life in this new world is tough and brutal, but hope appears when a high level communication is received from a military base on the coast, telling of sanctuary elsewhere in Europe... But just as salvation appears to be in reach, the base suffers an overwhelming defeat at the hands of the living dead! The surviving handful of troops and civilians must now make their way to the coast to uncover the truth behind the message. Their perilous journey takes them across a now treacherous, death-ravaged landscape, where the living dead are vast in number and wandering bandits impose their own malicious sense of law and order. What follows is a journey into hell and a desperate battle against all odds for the very survival of the human race.
A follow up to 2008’s Quarantine, this entry was directed by John Pogue and “picks up later that night at LAX, as passengers board a flight to Nashville. When a passenger becomes violently ill with a mysterious rabies-like virus, the plane makes an emergency landing at a large metropolitan airport. Jenny (Mercedes Masohn), a heroic yet inexperienced flight attendant, takes charge of the safety of her passengers. Relieved when a swarm of heavily equipped emergency vehicles, police units and the CDC arrive, Jenny and the passengers soon discover that they have been quarantined and are now trapped. Desperate to escape, Jenny enlists the help of one of the surviving passengers, a kindergarten teacher, Henry (Josh Cooke), to devise a plan to survive.
After experiencing what they think are a series of "break-ins", a family sets up security cameras around their home, only to realize that the events unfolding before them are more sinister than they seem.
Marybeth escapes the clutches of the deformed, swamp-dwelling iconic killer Victor Crowley. After learning the truth about her family's connection to the hatchet-wielding madman, Marybeth returns to the Louisiana swamps along with an army of hunters to recover the bodies of her family and exact the bloodiest revenge against the bayou butcher.
While still out to destroy the evil Umbrella Corporation, Alice joins a group of survivors who want to relocate to the mysterious but supposedly unharmed safe haven known only as Arcadia.
Having tracked down and confronted the Jack Brothers, Milly is approached by a beautiful girl named Haru who asks her to help find and kill the person responsible for murdering her boyfriend. Initially reluctant to become involved in any more bloodshed, Milly recognizes and identifies with Haru’s passion for vengeance and agrees to train her so she may exact her own revenge. But no sooner have they begun than they are accosted by a gang of Jack’s sycophants who want Milly dead once and for all. Led by a cyborg-armed psychopath named Ikki, they prove not only to be a match for Milly and Haru, they are also found to be in possession of a secret that could drive a deadly stake between the two women.
A group of elite warriors are hunted by members of a merciless alien race known as Predators.
After surviving the incidents in Barrow, Alaska, Stella Olemaun relocates to Los Angeles, where she intentionally attracts the attention of the local vampire population in order to avenge the death of her husband Eben.